Your story reminded me of when my grandmother passed away in 1980. It was the year I graduated from high school. Before she passed for years before the entire family got together for Christmas at my cousins house. Family came from everywhere to be there at the event. Presents were exchanged. Lots of laughter and everyone having a good time. Come to find out, after my grandmother passed, that stopped. No more Christmas celebrations. Everyone just disappeared into thin air. I guess grandma was the glue that kept our family together. As for you and your inconsiderate family, I would tell them that you are older now and need some special considerations. THEY should be willing to HELP you out. If not, they SUCK and I would tell them you will not be attending.